Keep Working On Your Best Cruise Value

The fine print holds all the answers

You have done your research, found your cruise, agreed on a price and booked it.  That part is over and now all you have to do is wait, dream, wait, get excited, wait and eventually pack.  Nope; there is much more to it and right now, right after booking, is the time to start.

 

Price is indeed important but often there might be a better one down the road.  You might even qualify for it.  The trick here is to keep track of what you are paying and what might happen with the price.   A good way to do that is to check prices at the source periodically.  Go to the cruise line website, find your cruise, and make note of the price as if you were buying at that time.  You might want to create a spreadsheet on your computer or keep a little book handy to record the date and price. 

 

If you find a price that you qualify for, call your travel agent.  They should be able to get that price for you too. It makes sense when you think about it.  If you have not reached the date final payment is due yet, the cruise line will lower your rate.  If they did not, you could simply cancel and rebook at the lower rate in most cases.  One big exception is one-day or special “new bookings only” sales.  They won’t apply to your existing booking. Even if you did cancel and rebook the cruise line will catch it and deny the booking.  Remember, you were required to give them your first and last legal name and date of birth to register; they know who you are. 

 

The very most important part of the great offer you may see anywhere, including the cruise line sites, is the fine print.  Go ahead, let the flashy headline catch your attention.  But before you get too excited, get out the magnifying glass and read the fine print very carefully and completely.  I know I get calls an emails all the time saying “Oh look, I found my cruise for $400 less at Bob’s Cruise Bargain Barn!!”  Well Bob is a savvy seller of travel and knows that headline touting an unbelievably low price will catch your attention.

 

Don’t you believe it; read the fine print.  Then if you really do have a better price, email your travel agent.  They should not hesitate at all on lowering your price.  If they do, you’re working with the wrong agent.

 

But as always we need to concentrate on value, not price.  Maybe you are on a group cruise at a special rate and another one comes along a bit lower.  Consider any special amenities you might be getting along with your group rate.  Losing $50 onboard credit, a bottle of wine and a complementary cocktail party to cancel and rebook to save $20 is just dumb.  You’re not dumb. You read this so you are smart, right?

 

You don’t have to gain weight—but maybe you should?

Much is said about the fabulous food you’ll find on your cruise. If you have cruised before you know how true that can be. Surely, most of us do not have an executive chef standing by in our kitchens 24 hours a day to create a little masterpiece for us. But you sure do on your cruise! There are two schools of thought about cruising and food. 

Some people vow to not gain weight and are pretty much successful about it. They use the stairs instead of the elevator, get up early to walk the deck of the ship in the morning, participate in activities, go to the well-equipped exercise area and more. If you’re a walker, there’s nothing quite like doing it on your ship at sea. Indeed, taking the stairs is way more exercise than standing in the elevator and you don’t have to wait for them. If you have a regular exercise routine, there is no reason you can’t stick with it and enjoy the really different experience a cruise offers. There are menu options for just about every concern and they are good too. 

Some people go a different direction, vowing to not be concerned about what they eat. Many may gain weight but lose it quickly when they get home. Many don’t care since they have been waiting for this so long and truly want to get the most out of it. For them, there are plenty of options for enjoying a wide variety of cuisine on the cruise. Breakfast, Lunch and Dinner are served either on the ships buffet or in the dining room. Most ships have specialty restaurants for an even more upscale dining experience. Oh and what an experience those can be. In the Specialty restaurants and on Formal Nights in the dining room, the culinary staff puts its best foot forward. 

Personally I fall somewhere in the middle of both as I think many do. I often start out doing the stairs instead of the elevator and that works for a while. Soon though that turns into using the stairs going down but not up. Lisa and I walk every morning at home. I do try to do that at sea and it is a really great change of scenery. That usually lasts for a day or two then the allure of being early to the breakfast buffet for my first breakfast overpowers the exercise urge. In the dining room I try to make responsible choices until something comes along that I would not normally have at home. That strategy pretty much dooms the healthy approach. All in all I do usually gain some weight on a cruise and it takes a couple weeks to get back to normal after. Knowing this I always bring along some clothes that might be size or two larger than normal. 

It did not take me long to realize that every cruise is indeed the “cruise of a lifetime”. Each is different and unique. After each one I feel a little different. It took me a while to realize that really getting into the whole experience was the key to getting the most out of a cruise. So enjoy the food as much as you can. It’s one ingredient in the recipe that makes for a great cruise experience and brings you back refreshed and renewed

All About Discounts

All about Discounts I would love to sit here and tell you that the cruise lines give discounts because they love certain groups of people and really, honestly want to be nice to them.  That would be a lie and I’ll never do that to you.  You may not like what I have to say but you can count on it being the truth. Cruise lines discount for one reason and one reason only: to fill up the ships.  You see, the cruise lines biggest goal right after safety is sailing with full ships.  That’s right, when they talk about our safety being important, they mean it.  But right on the heels of safety comes occupancy.  They have GOT to sail with full ships to make the money they need to make all their dreams come true.  Empty berths generate no money.  Don’t let me paint this picture in a negative way at all. This is just business, good business, and most of the cruise lines have this mastered.  When a sailing opens for booking, from that moment until the day of sailing, the cruise lines have a pretty good idea of how it will sell.  They know from experience that on a given ship saiing a certain itinerary at some time of the year that booking  “patterns” will be followed.  For the most part.  Economic events, World news, and other unpredictable factors can influence booking patterns.  The tragedy of 9/11, for example, dealt some horrible cards for all parts of the travel business.   The cruise lines know that discounts attract business.   Everyone wants a good value.  Some people want a “cheap price”.  Those people are headed in the right direction but not getting the big picture.  Those who want a “good value” have clearly seen the way to go.  A cruise for $199 may sound like a real steal until one reads the fine print and sees that there are several hundred dollars in port charges, taxes and fees.  Oddly, those people will still buy often for the bragging rights to say “I got a great deal on a cruise; it was just $199!”  That’s just plain stupid.  Value is what it is all about.  Discount Internet cruise brokers were popular up until recently when now savy cruisers realized “value” was more important than cheap price.  For about 5 years, it seemed that all was lost for travel agents and that they would be replaced with Discount Internet cruise brokers.  At some point though, the tide turned when a growning number of cruisers realized that a price was paid for that dirt-cheap cruise fare.  A price that was often too high. Lack of service, hidden costs and junk fees, bankruptcy, unethical business practices and more spoiled the wonderful world of the Discount Internet cruise broker to where they had a reputation just under that of Shady Used Car Salesman.  The final blow that signaled in no uncertain terms how unprofessional these Discount Internet cruise brokers were was when Royal Caribbean made the announcement that they were going to refuse to sell to organizations that they viewed as “card mills”, a sales organization of the likes of pyramid schemes. Then, all of the sudden, the travel agents who weathered the storm saw business picking back up as now savy cruisers realized there was more to planning a successful cruise than just finding the low price.  Guided by a skilled travel professional who’s goal was to form a life-long business relationship with his or her clients rather than “make a quick buck”, cruisers found a “friend in the business” who was looking out for their best interests, helping them every step of the way. One of the ways these travel professionals helped was by finding, identifying and applying any and all discounts available to each of their clients.  This was something the Discount Internet cruise brokers would have nothing to do.  Oh, they watched prices and discounts alright, most commonly pocketing any savings for themselves.  Even when a client would call them to ask if they would get them the new, lower price they saw advertised on the cruise line website, for example, they refused. In other words, smart people find and use a good travel agent, one that specializes in cruises most commonly.  Stupid people buy exclusively from Discount Internet cruise brokers. A good travel agent with your best interests in mind will take full advantage of the discounts being offered at any given time.  Here they are and how they work: Resident Discounts- These are most comonly given to states from which the cruise lines are not drawing a lot of clients.  The contagious satisfaction of going on a fabulous cruise is what they want to spread. In a virus-like manner, cruisers like to talk about thier cruise.  They’ll tell anybody about it.  If the topic comes up in the office, the grocery store, church or with a complete stranger, everyone who has done it has a story to tell.  Most all of them (95%+) are happy stories.  If the cruise lines can get people talking in a state or country where they don’t do a lot of buisness,  those people will sell it for them. Royal Caribbean is the king of Resident Discounts, offering them most often.  Princess comes in second with “regional discounts” .  Others are hit and miss but none of them offer a resident discount all the time.  Most common state to get a resident discount:  Florida.   There are a lot of ships and a lot of people who like to cruise and can do so often in Florida.  Senior Discounts- they’re not for everybody The basic rule of thumb is that at least one guest in a cabin must be 55 or older to get a senior discount.  Be aware though, this is not like the movie theatre; not every cruise line gives senior discounts.  Those that do don’t all the time.  Carnival, Royal Caribbean and Celebrity commonly give a discount for seniors when they need to fill up a ship.  That’s not only as they get close to sailing either.  Often, when a sailing first opens up for booking, a senior discount comes along.  Later, if a sailing is not selling as well as the cruise lines had anticipated, they may offer a senior discount again Last Minute deals Don’t count on them.  They exist for those who can sail with as little as 30 days notice.  As recent as several years ago you could bank on last minute deals being there to the point where you could almost book airfare for a particular cruise on a given date but NOT buy the cruise until 30 days before sailiing at a reduced rate.   That really never was a very good idea as the ship could sell out then you would be stuck with airfare to nowhere.  Now, its a stupid move as the majority of ships DO sell out early. Military Discounts Again, filling up the ships is good for business.   If they can do it and benefit those who may have put their own lives in harms way to protect us, all the better.  Carnival offers this most often but others do as well. Again, none of the cruise lines offer it all the time on all sailings but do ask your travel agent if you qualify.  Active or retired as long as you have proper ID, you can get it for your entire cabin.  Sometimes you can get it for more than one cabin.  Past Guest discounts This is a very popular, common and appropriate discount.  The cruise lines want to keep you coming back and will often make it worth your while to sail again and again with them.  Perks, amenities and even pricing in some cases are afforded to repeat guests.  After you’ve sailed a line, you are then a past guest.  Record your past guest numbers and be sure they get entered into your bookings.  Your good travel agent will keep these on file and use them to your advantage.  Your Discount Internet cruise broker will most often fail to apply them to your booking even if you have them available. How to find out about the deals? Sign up for everyone’s mailing list.  Get an email address other than the one you use for your regular daily email.  Go to every cruise lines website and sign up for their mailing list. You will be the first to know of specials, discounts and extra-value sailings being offered.  Using an email address like @gmail.com or @yahoo.com keeps the junk mail you eventually will get as the cruise lines sell your email address to others.  Want to know if your “deal” is legit?   Email it to me and I’ll tell you Chris.Owen@YourCruiseDream.com

You Can Turn Around The Economy Right Now

This is very simple.  It’s not about price it’s about value and quality.

You don’t hear about them on the doom and gloom news, but I know a lot of businesses that are thriving right now.  They know and have known for a long time that quality is the name of the game.  I learned this when I was 12 years old at my first job sweeping the floors at a company called Ranchview Floral and Interiors in Leawood Kansas.  They were the premiere florist and interior decorators in town.  When someone wanted the job done right be it a floral arrangement or decorating the interior of a house, this is where they came.  Even then, over 40 years ago, the focus was on quality which in turn led to value and a very successful business that endured many a recession, adverse business conditions and the like.  

They were by far NOT the “cheapest” place to go.  But quality has an enduring value that made for a lot of happy customers.  

This same, simple principle applies to every business.  Take the Travel Business for example.

While so-called “Internet Cruise Brokers” offering deeply discounted fares are going broke almost daily, quality and value oriented operations are thriving.  

Why?

Because “low price” is a very deceptive term that sounds really great up front but if not coupled with  full-service, quality oriented business practices often ends up being quite costly. You see, those Internet Cruise Brokers make very little profit because they sell at such a very low price. After the sale there is very little attention paid to their clients, if any at all, resulting in what often turns into a disasterous relationship.  Down the line a good travel agency follows up on the details that can make or break a vacation, offers expert advice in their field, and almost always ends up producing the better value for its customers.  They do that by focusing on quality.  Yes, their prices must be competitive to begin with, that has always been the case.  But often, if prices go down after the sale, they pass along those savings to their clients, washing out what one might have saved with a price-only focus business.  From beginning to end they provide their customers with the knowledge they need to get the most out of their vacation and have thier best interests in mind.  Internet Cruise Brokers simply don’t have the time for that. It is not what they do.

I bet you can think of a business or two in other industries that has a similar story.  

It is time for business to go back to the quality that made America great.  

At one time Sears had everything with a total satisfaction guaranteed policy, at Ford Quality was job #1 and Coke was “the real thing”.  Focusing on simple but enduring concepts like that, they dominated the marketplace.  

I don’t think to say that todays ecomomy is “bad” is accurate.  I think it is “adjusting” and will fall back to what made it great for decades: A focus on quality.  Find these businesses, work with them and you can turn the ecomomy around right now.

 

Revised Packing List

From time to time we go on short preview cruises from the cruise lines.  These are ususally two or three day cruises where we may not even get off the ship, taking the time onboard to try all the services and see what the crew and ship herself are all about. 
 
Last weekend we tried the MSC Orchestra. That cruise was pretty much doomed from the beginning…well, even before the beginning
 
We had decided to go later to the pier.  If you have been reading this at all you know that we always suggest going to the pier early.  I’ts not so much an insider tip but maybe it should be.  Arriving at Noon (we usually suggest between 10:30 and 11:00 AM) we were greeted with a pretty long line.  Long lines are nothing to be scared of in the world of cruises because the cruise lines have become very good at handling them.  Somewhere between rarely and occasionally something goes wrong at the pier that slows things down. It could be
 
A computer malfunction prefenting the cruise line from checking in guests- personally I don’t understand this part.  It was not all that long ago when we did not even have computers (ok, showing my age, get over it) and cruise ships were able to board.  In retail businesses they have a backup plan on how to stay open, run those charges by hand and process them later.
A Coast Guard Inspection- This is rare.  The Coast Guiard usually boards the ship well before it reaches port and takes care of whatever business they have on board
A surprise Health Department inspection- simply slows things down.  Most all cruise ships score high in this area
A US Customs Inspection- if they suspect something bad is on the ship, this can take hours- but its for our safety so feel good about that- these people are really good at what they do and like the Coast Guard, they call the shots as to when the ship is cleared to disembark their passengers and bring on some more
An FBI Inspection- if a crime or tragedy happened at sea you can bet the FBI will be called in, again another safety thing that we should welcome but not be scared of because the cruise lines have been very good about catching up and getting back on schedule after pretty much any incident
A traffic jam- they happen at sea too.  On that MSC cruise we were on last weekend the Orchestra was followed very closely by four other ships all docking at the same time. 
It is really important to note here that delays from any of these events are not common but do happen.  With that in mind, here is a new, revised packing list that includes two optional items, an  “Embakation Kit” and a “Disembarkation Kit” which might prove useful.  Want to look really cool and prepared?  If the need for one of these comes into play you will for sure look like the best prepared guest in line, getting on or getting offf the ship..and who doesn’t want to be cool? Many of these things  you may already be bringing with you so it is mostly a matter of placing them in your carry-on luggage rather than the luggage you check (the stuff with the smuggled booze) with the porters at curbside

 
Embarkation Kit
 
Small, wooden, foldable camping stools- driving to the port? check garage and yard sales in the months before your cruise, they will be there, flying in? Stop at a Walmart along the way
Liquids- bottled water is a good bet
Skip the fashion statement and wear comfortable clothing and especially comfortable shoes
Snacks- the buffet is not accessible when standing at the pier waiting to get on
Reading material, I-pod, cards, someting to pass the time but only for all but one person in your party who needs to be listening for reports about what is going on- the rest of your group can relax,
Sunscreen or a hat- plan accordingly for being in line for hours outside
 
Travel Documents, Wallet Items, and Paperwork

airline tickets or e-ticket confirmation
cruise documents
passports and visas (if necessary) or proof of citizenship (check with your cruise line for requirements) – without them you may be denied boarding with out a refund
vaccination certificate (if required)
driver’s license and auto insurance card – in case you decide to rent a car when ashore
medical insurance cards and medical history (especially if traveling alone)
copy of prescriptions and list of all medicines you are taking
another picture ID – if you don’t take driver’s license
credit cards – be sure to call credit card companies before traveling to alert them you are traveling outside your normal area
ATM card
pre-paid phone card for making calls in port
cash or traveler’s checks (be sure to keep traveler’s checks receipt in separate location)
3 copies of airline tickets, cruise tickets, passports/visas, itinerary – pack 1 copy in carry on, 1 copy in checked luggage, and leave one copy with someone at home
contact numbers to report lost/stolen credit cards or traveler’s checks
emergency numbers at home
currency conversion chart if necessary
wallet or fanny pack
watch – dual time zone watch is perfect!, I-phone is better
Reading Material and Necessities

glasses, contacts, contact cleaner
extra reading glasses
sunglasses
reading sunglasses
guidebooks and other port of call information
foreign language phrase book or dictionary
maps if appropriate
reading material – books to read while on the plane or lounging by the pool
journal or notebook and pen/pencil – for making notes to tell your friends back home about your experiences
business cards with email address to give out to new cruise friends
home and email addresses of friends/relatives back home – for sending postcards, emails, or gifts
photo album
Electronics and Camera Equipment

plug adaptor and converter if appropriate- probably not
cell phone and charger
PDA and charger
laptop computer
binoculars
disposable underwater camera – for snorkeling or beach days
digital camera and manual
extra memory cards for digital camera
batteries for digital camera
battery charger
extension cord/power strip with multiple plug-ins
small travel alarm clock – battery operated
small flashlight
Medicine Kit

prescription drugs and any other essential medications in carry on bag
ear plugs or “ear planes”
small first aid kit (band aids, Q-tips, vaseline, dramamine, antibiotic cream, bandages, anti-diarrheal medication, cortisone cream, aspirin/tylenol/advil)
germicidal hand cleaner
handi-wipes (for cleaning hands when ashore)
hand lotion
rubbing alcohol or foot lotion for soothing tired, hot feet
bug spray (not for your cabin on the ship, but for those pesky mosquitoes ashore)
sun screen/sun block and lip sunblock
Other “Necessities”

duct tape or strapping tape
extra plastic cable-lock ties for securing luggage for return trip (better than locks, but one-time use only)
extra luggage name tags (in case yours are lost on the outbound trip)
zip loc bags of all sizes and garbage/laundry bags
corkscrew (be sure to put in checked luggage)
Swiss Army knife or something similar with screwdriver head, etc. (be sure to put in checked luggage)
small umbrella
collapsible travel pillow for those long airplane flights
Crazy glue
playing cards
sports gear (e.g. snorkeling gear)
shoe horn for getting those shoes back on your swollen feet
sewing kit and scissors (pack in checked luggage)
travel-sized Woolite or Spray Downy or Fabreze
clothes pins
empty folding tote bag – for souvenirs or the beach
hats/caps/visors
insulated large coffee mugs so you can go get your cabin mate coffee in the morning rather than waiting on room service
Women’s Cruise Clothing Packing List

(ok I did not write this part)
bras (include strapless if needed for evening wear)
panties
lingerie/night gown/pajamas/robe
compression stockings (for airplane flight to prevent swollen ankles)
exercise/walking socks
trouser socks or pantyhose
camisole/slip
purses (day and evening)
belts
scarves
gloves and stocking cap(if expect cold weather)
walking shoes
walking sandals
rubber sandals for reef walking and beach
evening shoes
costume jewelry and extra watch
swim suit
swim suit cover-up/pareo/sarong
thongs/flip flop shoes
work out clothes and jog bra
dress/outfit for informal nights on ship
dress/outfit for formal nights on ship
dress/outfit for casual nights on ship
shorts
tops of all types (sleeveless, short-sleeved, long-sleeved)
capri pants
slacks
windbreaker jacket
sweatshirt
evening sweater
raincoat with hood
Women’s Miscellaneous

blow dryer
curling iron or curlers
comb/brush
hair gel
hair spray (non-aerosol)
shampoo
conditioner
shower cap
bar soap in plastic container
deodorant
toothbrush
toothpaste
dental floss
toilet paper
mouthwash
tweezers
make-up mirror
make-up and make-up bag(list can be endless!)
make-up remover
cleanser
moisturizer and freshener
nail polish and remover
nail clippers and file (be sure to pack in checked luggage)
razor and shaving cream
Men’s Cruise Clothing Packing List

underwear (briefs or boxer shorts)
undershirts if you wear them
pajamas
compression socks (for airplane flight to prevent swollen ankles)
exercise/walking socks
black dress socks
belts (I always forget this)
gloves and stocking cap(if expect cold weather)
walking shoes
walking sandals
rubber sandals/shoes for reef walking and beach
evening or dress shoes  
tuxedo jacket and pants (or dark suit)
tuxedo tie, suspenders, and cummerbund
tuxedo cufflinks/studs
sport jacket
regular ties
tuxedo shirt
dress shirts
swim suit
work out clothes/T shirts
shorts
casual shirts
slacks (casual and dress)
windbreaker jacket
sweatshirt
raincoat with hood
Men’s Miscellaneous

comb/brush
shampoo and hair products
bar soap in plastic container
deodorant
toothbrush
toothpaste
dental floss
mouthwash
toilet paper
tweezers
nail clippers and file (be sure to pack in checked luggage)
razor and shaving cream (or electric razor and supplies)
Disembarkation Kit

 Fruit- collect some fruit from the buffet the night before- you will have to leave it behind on the ship but you will be happy you have it if there is a long wait
 Beverages- this could be coffee, water or just about anything you might need – we made the mistake of not bringing any one time and said never again
Cell phone- if someone is waiting for you back home- keep them updated on your progress if it is slow- also handy if you’re flying back home and late disembarkation will cause you to miss your flight. 
Airline Schedules- Before you leave you should have a list of backup flights that depart after yours along with workable numbers to he appopriate airlines both flying in to port and flying out.  Odds are you won’t use them but its another one of thoes things that make you more prepared, costs nothing and kills time between booking and sailing
I-Phone
Writing materials- write your grocery store shopping or to-do list while waiting to get off the ship. Write letters to family and friends about your cruise. How long has it been since you wrote a hand-written note to someone?  This would be a great time to do it or catch up on Thank You notes you might be behind on
Agan let me say, problems getting on and off the ship can usually be minimized by being ready to board early and ready to get off early. Arrive at the pier at 10:30 or 11:00 to beat the crowd.  Even if the ship is late boarding you will be one of the first.  On our cruise last weekend, the first hundred or so guests made it on the ship before the computers broke down and were crowned “The Most Savy Travelers” on board.  Whenever possible, take advantage of the ships “self-assis” disembarkation option, walking your own luggage off the shp rather than setting it out the night before and having to weed through the sea of luggage after the cruise ot find yours.  Check with the Pursers or Information desk early in the cruise as the numbers of guests allowed to do this is oftern limited.

A week later

Oh, I received my $200 future cruise vouchers too. You might think that would be a joyous moment. Not so much really. In the cruise line Guest Relations departments they weigh such matters as this cruise experience as to how much of a “failure of service” was experienced.

A week later, as is usual, the pain of the moment had subsided but this cruise is still very solidy the crown champion of extremely rare disaster cruises. This was one you read about but doesn’t happen to you. I am sure there are cruises that were worse but this one has a firm hold on last place on my list of “Cruise Lines I Would Like To Sail Again Really Soon”. That is a short list too.

If there is a list of all time horrible cruises, this one is surely on it.

Titanic
Poseidon
Whatver the name of that ship was that George Clooney drove in “The Perfect Storm”
MSC Orchestra 2-night wonder cruise
The Ghost Ship
Enron

I guess there IS such a thing as a bad cruise

MSC Orchestra

Having never sailed on an MSC ship I decided to take a two night ride on the MSC Orchestra. I didn’t know a whole lot about MSC besides the basic training we get as Travel Agents. When I thought of MSC I did have several thoughts that came to mind through the experiences of others. Maybe we should call those pre-conceived notions. They were

• MSC is the largest container shipping company in the world
• I had heard on multiple occasions “There are lots of pushy Italians and other Europeans”
• I had also heard that “the food is fabulous, absolutely fabulous” from some and awful from others
• Any dealings I had had with MSC over the phone or through email indicated a class in phone skills and email etiquette would be a good idea

So I wanted to find out which of these notions were accurate, which were not and get a good feel for the ship and the cruise line in action. I have been fortunate (or not) enough to sail 43 times with 9 different lines and always been able to get a good feel for a ship or line with one small voyage.

This two-day sailing from Port Everglades in Fort Lauderdale to Nassau, Bahamas and back should compare well. I had done many 2 or 3 night introduction cruises before and knew the drill.

• I would not get the same “feel” as I would doing a 7 day or longer cruise
• I had to cover a lot of ground really fast to collect the information and documentation I needed to make a accurate report

With that in mind we chose to arrive at the pier at 1PM, two and a half hours later than we would normally have done. Going early is always the smart way to go. Much like flying in to the departure port a day early as insurance against a delayed flight, arriving at the port so you can be at the front of the line almost always benefits by getting you on board well ahead of the crowd that will come later.

In this case coming early would have been a really good idea. But I had not come at 1PM since our first cruise. As a result we never stand in a very big line because it is behind us.

When we arrived to part at Port Everglades we could have had a really bad time finding a parking space but we got lucky and found a place right away. Approaching the terminal we saw a little line so I was not concerned and thought this was not a bad idea

It was only after we turned the corner and found what would be a line about three football fields long. With no apparent direction the line had formed a sort of serpentine shape, wrapping around Pier 4 then bunching up. No problem though I thought, these cruise lines really move the lines pretty quickly. I estimated the wait time to be about an hour, 45 minutes if we were lucky.

That bright side 45 minute to an hour estimated quickly stretched into an hour, then two hours then three hours then 4 hours until it started moving. But lines are lines and even in the most capable hands like the king of lines, Walt Disney who, from the grave, keeps things moving right along at the parks every day of the year.

I have a pretty good idea of how long it takes to move a bunch of people too from quoting wait times to people in a number of busy restaurants decades ago. Something was really wrong here.

The problem here was not that they had a big line but that we were kept in the dark about what was going on. I have experienced catastrophic delays on other lines and seen everything from a cruise line rep telling us and updating us on what was wrong then reassuring us that they were doing all they could to get us on as soon as possible to cruise line reps setting up a buffet and offering complementary beverages. Either was always accompanied by a good dose of really sincere apology.

This time we had no information so the crowd mentality starts to take over, members agree to hold the place in line for some elderly people that they can go to one of the few benches to sit down and occasional chants run through the group. Next time I am going to add “Start doing the wave and other wacky group games if line is dead for hours” to my to-do list.

It should have been a good sign that this was not going to end well when the vending trucks you might see by the crew entrance, well out of the way of the embarkation activities are coming within service distance of the crowd. We were going to be a while. Ok yeah it would have been nice for someone to tell us what the problem is or provide some food and beverages. Heck, we would have all been up at the buffet with that initial gorge of our gaping maws anyway. But the line started moving after about four hours. When it did it seemed to go rather quickly, at a pace one would expect for a group so large. Once inside the terminal we were placed in a rope line that went back and forth 23 times; about 75 feet each time. (That equals 1725 feet)

This line was not unanticipated.

Why would they intentionally be planning on having so many people in this queue? What an unpleasant first impression.

But it got worse. After that initial queue we were went into another area where there were five queue’s 300 feet long each. (Another 1500 feet) Let’s do the math; that’s a total of over 3000 feet of line. They were planning on it being a long wait.

Lucky for us we had filled out the online advance check-in and it looked like 90% of the other guests had not. We were put in a much shorter “Express” queue which also doubled as the World Club past guest entrance. I don’t think I have ever been so happy to have done that. On other lines it has almost become unnecessary.

In the beginning of the boarding card craze, it was like going through the express line at the grocery store, there was a line but it moved along way quicker than if you were behind three or four people with full carts. Carnival (who started it); Princess, Celebrity and Royal Caribbean have gotten so good at it though that they rarely set up a rope queue at all.

Finally when we got to the check in station we were told that it was a computer problem causing the delay. They had been down for several hours.

(Can you say “reboot” and see what happens?”)

At this point things were going about as anticipated except that the check in rep told us we would have to stop by the purser’s desk to present our credit card to guarantee onboard purchase. By chance I noticed that the rep next to this one was swiping cards and gathering authorization signatures just fine. When I brought it to her attention she conferred with one of the ships officers and after a lengthy discussion agreed to do ours. Good, the thought of 2300 people more at the purser’s desk in the next 24 hours could have really been a mess. The crowd pretty much universally agreed that they had robbed us of a good part of this short cruise and that needed to be the end of that.

I wanted to thank that officer for saving me from that and waved to get his attention. That was when I first saw it

The MSC Stare

Most cruises are identified with a theme or have established a 2, 3 or 4 word slogan that fits. Carnival has “The Fun Ships” and I think of wildly happy crew members. Princess has “Escape Completely” and their happy crew members while a lot less wild, make pleasant eye contact and say hello when you pass them in the halls. Celebrity has “Starring You” which while I have never seen an actual celebrity on one of their ships; they are masters at creating a great feel on board. Royal Caribbean for years challenged us to “Get Out There”

All of those and others seemed genuinely happy to see us and honestly wanted us to have a good time. I had grown accustomed to that. This mean, unemotional, detached look this officer gave me was scary. But being optimistic I hoped that this was just a junior officer who should probably be working down in the torpedo room rather in a guest contact area.

So very unfortunately this would not be the last time I saw it. I never once saw an officer laugh or seem at all happy except when talking with other officers in their native language.

This attitude would turn out to be the reason for many unpleasant experiences aboard the ship. I have seen this before in other businesses and it always ends in the business going broke. There are just too many competitors to not have your best job on display all the time. That is where it starts. When the management is lacking in customer service in major ways, many of the negatives I had about this ship, the crew and the cruise line happen and turn off customers.


Here then are specifics on what was experienced while on board the MSC Orchestra. I picked areas to evaluate that either struck me as really different than other lines or simply easy to compare along with a grade.

Embarkation
Grade: F

The F is for the poor job they did communicating with the waiting crowd. Handled properly they could have minimized the fueling effect it had on growing negative attitudes. The thing about those is that once they start and get in most peoples heads, they taint other experience onboard which might not have been as good as they could have been but would have been tolerated.

The passengers would have been upset but with the strong knowledge that the cruise line would stand behind their decisions and actions. They would make it right. The level of commitment to that universal business model simply was not there with the management of this event and the ship. That’s two different departments; shore operations and ship operations. They both failed. Would the ships maintenance department fail as well; the ones that shovel the wood into the burners that make the ship move?

So far no but if we had to drive one of the lifeboats home we had done this route so many times that we could probably do it.

Cabins
Grade: B

These were nice, new cabins with a unique feature. In order to keep the lights on in your cabin you had to put your card into a reader by the front door. When you were out of the cabin the lights went off which they had to do because you had to take your key to get back in.
I think that is a fabulous way for them to save energy and in turn save money that does not inconvenience the guest. Good Job there. That also triggered a light in the hallway that the stewards could see (I guess with their heightened awareness training because I sure never saw it) that indicated if you were or were not in the cabin. No more barging in as someone stand in the hallway drying off after a shower since the bathroom is too small for we fluffy people.

I give them a C as average because they were pretty much the standard cabin you might find on any cruise ship.

Cabin Steward
Grade: B
I would later find out that each steward had 24 cabins to clean twice each day. That would explain never seeing ours. No time for small talk, special requests, complaints or compliments. There was much to complement for too. They did a really good job every time they did their run through the cabin.

Embarkation Buffet
Grade: F

Ok let’s try to keep count. So far we had no contact while waiting, passed by some contract security people with the stern but expected demeanor like the TSA at airports and gotten our first MSC Stare. Not looking really good at Creating A Good First Impression 101. They had to have cheated horribly on the final to pass. Hmm, maybe they dropped out?f

This was going to be the first time we had the opportunity to try the legendary great food. I was excited because I used to have some very dear friends as a young boy who were really Italian and those people really knew great food. I couldn’t wait to try the Fettuccini Alfredo to see if it was as good as the wonderful product they served on Princess. I make a pretty darn good meatball when I put my mind to it so I was really looking forward to that too. We knew there was no way to enter points in our Weight Watchers thing so we were totally off diet to the point that I really wanted to see what their idea of authentic Italian Pizza was.

The food was simply awful.

I wondered if it was that it was ready 4 hours ago and since people were not boarding it just lost its luster. No, there was no luster on these products ever. I had a former career when I was much younger in the restaurant business. One of the things I did was manage a large volume cafeteria in Kansas City. We served 4 or 5000 people a day on two straight line cafeterias. That was their first problem.

I wonder if the people that designed this ship had ever been on a cruise on any other line. If they had they would have discovered the latest common design, the revival of the “scatter” line cafeteria with stations that one can go back and forth too. With a straight line cafeteria everyone has to pass by everything. That’s great if you are selling the ala carte. You can use strategic product positioning to put the high dollar or high profit products within easy reach.

But they were not selling these products; they were included in the price. The obvious name of the game is to get them through as quickly and efficiently as possible.

With the scatter style cafeteria, guests can simply walk by the station that does not have anything they want rather than waiting in line (again and not a popular activity with this bunch) They move through quickly and are at the table enjoying your food with the minimum travel time and eating the food as you wished it to be.

But that was just the tip of the iceberg. The meatballs were lousy and cold, the pizza was burnt and sort of like the “pizza” I made as a kid with Hungry Jack biscuits, pizza sauce and cheese. Mine was better.

What looked like it could be a flavorful dish was bland and cold or warm depending on what it shouldn’t be. You would think Spicy Cantonese Rice would be a real taste sensation. No, very much like
Green Giant Steam In The Microwave-safe Bag quality, only cold.

While seated and eating we saw a lady approach a manager. She was just furious. It seems that over an hour ago, she had given her card to one of the servers to go get her a Diet Coke and they had never returned. After getting the MSC Stare while explaining her problem the manager told her to go the Pursers desk and get a new one. Stupid me, I was thinking they might want to find that server, get the card back and get this lady her Diet Coke. No, she was sent packing without her Diet Coke (well they couldn’t get her one now anyway: she had no card!)

Probably just as well, they serve Pepsi Light anyway. Those were cool though, they had a foil cover over the part where you pull the tab and apply your lips. (I had lowered the bar for all things dazzling

I gave up on trying keeping up the counting thing after this.

Breakfast Buffet
Grade: F

Let’s just finish off the buffet area with this report about breakfast.

By this time it had become painfully obvious that these people had chosen to work with the bare minimum crew on hand to take care of business. They are cheapskates.

It’s a classic pattern.

• We don’t have enough guests sailing
• We lower the price
• We have more guests sailing but uh oh; we are not making as much money on them
• We cut back on the labor and put out as much low cost food as possible

The breakfast buffet was one of the best examples of this I had seen and here is why

• No omelet station. Thank god, the line would have moved even slower. I had chosen to go up for breakfast really early so there was no line. At 10:00 the line went out of the door of the cafeteria and far out on to the pool deck, on both sides.
• Bacon from last week. This was more old, crumbled and nasty than any I had ever seen in public. This had reached the point where it could have been used as an ingredient or seasoning but that’s about it.
• They messed up the canned baked beans. Ok this is an odd English thing that seems to be on a lot of cruise ships. I can see the allure of them as they are really cheap. But the master chefs of MSC had watered them down. I guess they thought they would go farther and feed more people.
• While they did not have an omelet station they did have “plain omelets” pre-made and ready to be picked up. I fail to see the difference between a plain omelet and scrambled eggs (they had those too). I kept looking for an eclectic array of creative toppings maybe thinking it was a “make your own omelets” idea that was just not well thought out. The closest thing I could find to a topping was the scrambled eggs sitting next to them. Later on about 20 feet down the line were some cold, canned “sautéed” mushrooms.
• The coffee station was manned by a crew member who was pouring the coffee for the guests. I sat right next to this area and watched. As the guests arrived the line grew long at the coffee station (OK “line” is officially a bad four letter word at this point) The reason for the hold up is that the crew member had a little shield for each guest explaining that they had “strong” and “weak” coffee and they had to choose one. He went on to give his personal recommendation (oooh! Step back Emeril Bam!) for the strong coffee but watered down. Most agreed to the strong but watered down. This could have been an American thing though with the Americans always choosing strong over weak to this crew member struggling (unbelievably) hard to communicate. The guests were having trouble with his recommendation though and it took a while for them to inevitably pick his recommendation and that really slowed down the line. The other problem was people who understood him to mean that the strong was regular and the weak was decaf. When specifically asked if they had decaf he said “I don’t know, maybe at the other station”
• Double shot glasses for water. I forgot to mention that I had heard that they were charging for water in the dining room on the last cruise without the option for complementary tap water. Horrible idea for the American market, glad they did not do it. But these glasses were about as big as two shot glasses. I assumed it was to prevent waste of the complementary frozen concentrate Juicy Juice dispenser liquids. Understandable and acceptable for “high cost?” juice-like substance but where were the glasses for the low cost tap water?
• The crew member with the refill cart. There was one for both dining rooms. I watched as she went a certain distance with one cart, stopped when she was empty, went back and filled up on some other ship in a different ocean then came back and traveled the same route. She appeared to be stopped along the way by about half of those she had served on the previous run then continued on down the road. I think the ones at the end of the other dining room have probably become dehydrated and soiled themselves waiting for her to get there. They couldn’t leave or they would get nothing and they didn’t want to miss her

Casino
Grade A++ and F

This one gets two grades. An A++ because I won two big jackpots on the slots, an F because I waited 45 minutes for the one crew member working the whole casino other than dealers at gaming tables to pay out the excessive sum.

There’s something about winning big in the casino that makes other things ok. I had seriously forgotten about the embarkation fiasco and school cafeteria operation.

Safety Drill
Grade A++ and F
This one also gets two grades. The A++ because they cancelled it on the first day, rescheduled it the second day and checked to see if everyone was in attendance by knocking two times on the door and going away.

The F because in reality I should have been concerned about this gang actually finding and hitting an iceberg, sinking the ship. Again though as previously mentioned, I was pretty sure I could get a lifeboat back to Florida from here. I would also not have had a line for getting on my lifeboat, would have the chef there serving delights and free drinks for all.

Driving the Ship
Grade C
This is usually an area not even mentioned as the ships crew that does the actual maneuvering of the ship are so good at it. Just watching them move the ship into or out of port is amazing to me.

Imagine my surprise and fear when we were stopped dead in the water outside of Nassau while the other ships caught up and passed us.

Ships Shops
Grade B
Pretty much the typical assortment of jewelry, cologne, clothes, and logo items (probably not a lot of folks on this one wanting a memento to remember this) and booze/cigarettes. I took off because of the limited selection in the shops and the attitude of the people in the booze shop. They were really mad that people wanted to buy booze.
The more booze they bought the more intense their MSC Stare was. I wanted 8 bottles of booze and you would have thought I had asked them to swim to shore to fetch me some snacks.

Those are a whole lot of negative leading to a recommendation to not sail this line. At least until I get reports that things have improved dramatically.

But there are positives too which I saved for last. I have always been of the mind that there is no such thing as a bad cruise. This one put that notion to test like no other. History will prove this one to be the standard for bad cruises. Still, we had a good time because there are things that even MSC could not screw up. One was the view from our balcony while the ship is moving through the ocean. Another was finding a nice lounge to have a drink before dinner. Sure, we needed one before facing the uncertainty of what might be coming, but they have several nice, quiet, and comfortable lounges. For the most part they run a pretty good operation too with plenty of crew members around. Well except for the casino. That one girl working the whole casino for drinks was just sad to see.

Value was a big underlying problem on this ship. Since they were such cheapskates we paid for most everything beyond the basics. Ice cream was never complementary as it is on all other cruise lines at one time or another (or all day on Carnival). I ordered two tall Bloody Marys this morning in tall glasses. That was $27.50 which I thought was a crazy high price.

I already mentioned the cabin stewards and for the most part the rest of the hotel department with the exception of food servivce was right on top of things.

Would I do this again? No
Will I recommend this line to anyone? No

As patient and understanding as I am, I’m writing MSC and will demand a 100% refund just if they are interested in standing behind their product. If they want me to ride on one of their ships again they will need to give me a free cruise. I doubt that either of those things will happen. They probably don’t even realize that they created 2300 bad will ambassadors.

Packing for your cruise? Don’t forget the toilet paper!

…especially if you use Charmin, Angel Soft or some other equally plush brand.  

Every cruise line I have ever been on uses what must be called Rough And Ready Industrial Strength.  I think the purchasing departments have confused cruise passengers with Elephants.  While by too many trips to the buffet I may look like one,  by the end of the cruise I feel like I was drugged and violated in my sleep by an elephant.  

(Too graphic?) (this candid article is just one of the many bonuses you’ll find here that just don’t quite seem appropriate elsewhere in cyberspace)

I’m writing this because I always forget to pack toilet paper.  I remember this the first time I need to use the “facilities”.  Get prepared for that too.  Operating the facilities you’ll hear a sound much like that of a torpedo being launched from a nuclear submarine. Your business travels with lighting speed away to some unknown place.  

Actually,  I just thought of a good way of remembering to pack toilet paper as even more essential that Duct Tape or my George Foreman Grill 

I am going to bring a case next time.  I’ll just tag it and check it with a porter.  I checked, there are no rules about how much toilet paper you can bring with you.  Smuggling should not be necessary, at least for a while.

The plan is to set up a little table outside of the dining room then sell it to guests on their way back to the cabin. Who would NOT want to buy one?  I think no one would pass me by.   A good marketing strategy would be to wait until about the third night.  By then the need should be painfully obvious.    I thought I might also write my cabin number on each roll “Need More?  See cabin 8525 between 3 and 5 (well I don’t want to tie up my whole day)”  Actually if I could get the wife and kids to just walk around the ship everywhere they go with a roll in each hand that would probably do it.  (Think: adorable childen operating Kool-aid stand business) Imaging how popular they would be!  Why didn’t I think of this when they were in high school?  Think of all the money we could have saved buying their cheerleading junk- nothing says self-esteem on it more than someone who has a product that is in high demand.

I often thought “Why couldn’t I have invented this?” when using the facilities at home.  I think this might be the next best thing!

Do you have tips about such matters?  Please share them here?

Coming soon: Why its a good idea to bring children to fetch things for you